Wrong life....

Yes, as a matter of fact some moments do make me feel like I landed in the wrong life. Am I being punished?!

Sunday Sunday ♪♫

So Johna was up at like 4am which means, so was I. We both laid back down at 7am and got up for church at 9am.

I wore my brand new dress to church this morning. It was slightly silky feeling so that was nice.  

Then the kids and I had Chinese for lunch. I ♥ Chinese food. I feel like such a carnivore when I eat there though. I get like 4 meat dishes and some broccoli, so healthy. :-p

When we got home we chilled... they played in Johna's room for 2 hours while I took a nap. 

After nap time we watched movies: Hancock & Push. Tyler liked them both but especially Push. He liked the Bleeders and kept wanting them to scream some more. :-)







Bleeders



I LOVE weekends!!!!

song about me...

I know it's Hanson but it's my name.... and I like the song. :)

Two women, one man...

The thing that makes having two women in my head okay is that they both answer to one man (outside of my head).

The one who wants to travel and reserves hotel rooms and plans a family vacation gets brought back down to earth about financial reasons this family of 5 living off of one income cannot afford said vacation by that man. (When she is not too sad about not getting the vacation she does feel sad for him that he must say no, she knows he hates having to say no to her whimsical ways.)

The woman who wants chickens gets told no by that same man. He reminds her of her already overflowing schedule and how adding more to it is stupid. He is right and she knows it but honestly it still makes her sad not to have these types of experiences with her children.

Two women...

I think I have two different women living in my head.



traveling...



shopping...



One woman dreams about traveling the world to see the glorious sights. She loves to look at clothes and wishes she had the body thin enough to wear them well. She wants to go boating, she wants to ride motorcycles, she wants to have 2 vacations a year, she wants to live The Life.




 



crafty.....

The other woman thinks about raising chickens because they would provide eggs, they would provide learning opportunities and maybe just a neat experience for the children as they grow. She thinks about learning how to sew and actually making things. She thinks about finally finishing the blanket she has been crocheting for about 2 years now. She dreams about making beautiful quilts. She wants to be crafty. She would like to be smaller too but she really just wants to be loved no matter what her size. Healthy is more important than skinny, right? She thinks about cooking healthier and with the possibility of this family starting a GF/CF diet soon that might just be happening no matter which woman is present in my head at any given moment. This woman also dreams about traveling but her travels are never about beautiful sights or about herself, they are about others. She wants to travel to China to adopt a little girl, she wants to travel to Africa to help the many needs they have, she wants to travel to a storm stricken area and help clean... she wants to Save The World.

Is it possible to be a fancy exciting crafty humble good little christian woman?

Is it possible to be that and still be the best wife to my hard working husband? ... the best mom to my wonderfully unique children?

Can I show my children all the beautiful things of the world by always having to stay home? If I somehow managed to show them the gorgeous places would they still remember the needy people that they should always help?

I know my problem, I want it all and that sometimes makes me feel selfish and greedy and sometimes I think well why not, why shouldn't I have some things, some fabulous life experiences? Now, don't get me wrong, I know I am blessed, so very very blessed but seriously sometimes I just get bored....

My kids

My daughter looks a lot like me. We get comments about it all the time. My son does not look like me. BUT my son acts just like me, so it's okay. His bad eating habits, got it from me... his constant need for love, got it from me... his love of talking, got it from me... his odd habit of not really drying off after a shower, lol got that from me too. I LOVE ♥♥♥ MY KIDS!!!!!

No homemade chai for me...

John felt that the system and the cups were too expensive so he said no to letting me buy it.

So, $30 a week for my drinks it is. I ♥ my chai latte!

K-Cup

I am probably so late in realizing this but the K-Cup systems can make tea and hot cocoa also. I think that is awesome. So I went to the Keurig website to check out the systems and the cheapest one is $80 but it got 4/5 stars. It brews in 3 minutes, makes an 8 oz drink and can accommodate a travel mug. Awesome! It would pay for itself too because if I get a chai every day then I spend $30 a week. Plus the actual k-cups are not expensive. I so might need to talk to my hubby about buying me one of these. Totally think it would be worth it!

Napmares

Since I slept so horribly 2 nights ago, yesterday I decided to take a nap. I had a bad dream then too. So that wasn't restful sleep either.
Last night I woke up at 2am and saw that Johna wasn't in bed with me even though she was in my bed when I went to bed. I thought maybe my husband had put her in her own bed so I got up to check. Nope. The hallway and kitchen lights were on so I followed the glow and found her in the living room. She was sitting on the couch holding Reid, our cat, and playing Wii. When she realized she was caught she said, "how did I get here?" lol I told her I did not think so and to get back to bed. So she put Reid back to bed in Tyler's room, that's where she sleeps, and got back into bed. I had to turn the TV and all the lights off because she didn't. I slept good after that. She doesn't sleep well and that is why she sleeps with me so often but I must admit, I sleep better when she is with me.

Sound asleep with her eyes open a little.

Nightmare

Do we ever get too old for nightmares? Probably not...
My dream tonight was stupid but still left me with such a horrible feeling that I had to get up and check on the kids and then ended up just staying up, even though it wasn't even 4am yet.
I had a dream that the news was interviewing some people on the street my dad lives on, which is 4 hours away from here. It showed my dads house once so I called into the other room that dads house was on TV. Then when they showed it again I somehow teleported to the front yard. The news crew was gone not that that mattered. I talked to the people that were being interviewed but that's the part that I don't really remember, I don't remember why they were being interviewed or what I talked to them about. I went inside my dads house and my sister that lives in Ohio was there so I asked why she was there and she told me not to worry about it.
In real life she's not talking to me because the whole family has a tendency to argue with each other but I refused to go seek therapy with this sister because I don't have the time and it's a stupid request. So since I won't do exactly what she wants me to do she won't speak with me. She has stopped speaking to other family members in the past, it is her way to get what she wants. Immature & spoiled, I know.
But back to the dream....
So I went and talked to my dad. He has a way of turning a quick hello into an all day event. So I ended up being there for 2 hours and once I realized that I freaked out. I had to drive 4 hours to get back home before the kids woke up. It was too late, it was like 4am in the dream. My car was there (don't know how that happened, mysteries of dreams right....) but it had less than a quarter of a tank of gas. Not only couldn't I drive the trip in time but now I had to stop for gas. I have no clue why but my passenger kept switching from my husband to my sister and there was a puppy with us. So we jumped in the car and rushed out of town, I dropped my passenger off as a fast food place while I ran next door to get gas. By the time I was finished with gas she (my sister now) was back in the car. The gas was weird though. The opening to my tank was underneath the backseat of my car and the gas overflowed and got everywhere and I remember hoping that would not be a fire risk before jumping back in the car to rush to my kids. When I glanced in the back seat, maybe to back up or something, I noticed the puppy had peed on the seat but at this point I didn't even care. (Why is there a puppy in this dream???)
So I am rushing to get to my kids and thinking who can I call that's closer, who can get to them before me?! I couldn't think of anyone then but now that I am awake I can think of a few people I'd call.
So technically nothing horrible happened in my dream cause I woke up while still driving. Saying things out loud sometimes makes me feel a little better so I told my husband when I woke up (he was just coming to bed, he works night shift so on his days off he stays up most of the night, silly sleep schedules) that I would never leave the kids. He was either too sleepy to care or knows me well enough not to even ask. What I say doesn't have to make sense, just nod. :-p
I had to check on the kids though. I still have a slightly uncomfortable eerie feeling. I would never leave my kids. It has always been a huge fear of mine. While driving somewhere there have been many times that I've had to look back to double check that I've put them in the car. It's been that way their whole lives, they are 8 and 10 now. Oh the damage our parents due to us but that's another tale altogether.

My kids

Celiac Panel

My princess had lab work a week or two ago and we got the results back today from her celiac panel. We had already heard the results to the other stuff: she does not have anemia, she did not have any infections but she was low on vitamin d. So for the Vitamin D we will supplement her 1,300 units a day. The celiac panel concerned her pediatrician though. He said he didn't want us to wait to see a GI doctor and the local specialist was booked through June so he is sending us next week to the one at the children's hospital in Ohio. So of course I am nervous and worried.

(Pictures from her birthday last September.)

Hope is Fading

Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.


This one made me tear up.

Mocha Club

Mocha Club / Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.


That website it shows is not actually up right now. It took me to a page saying it would be up later in 2012 to benefit Africa.

Orphan small video

Orphan Sunday 2009 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Why Love Orphans?

While making a powerpoint for my sociology class, Social Problems, I found this video. My social problem project was on orphans so this fit perfectly.


Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Oh, Love

I absolutely love love love this song.... love this cd, love his last cd too, love Peter!!!! I saw him once in Nashville. 



Terrible picture of me.





 

Music

I must have been in a music sharing mood tonight. I made this look like a music blog which it's not... not really... it's a whatever bored woman blog. lol

Jeremy Lister

I love this song & him... I wish I could find better videos of him. I listen to him on spotify all the time.

Even the Rain

Love this song... wish he had an official video to it...

1901

Love this song... it's a remake... it is actually a song about Paris in 1901 by Phoenix.

The Ladder

Love this song & cd....

Reluctance

Love this song...

Style dreams...

So in a life that I was skinny and had confidence I'd dress so differently. Right now I am a jeans and tank top/t-shirt kind of gal, it's so not the clothes that say look at me, but I'm not the woman that wants to be looked at so maybe it works. I've recently found a blog that I adore. She is such a cute dresser that I just go and save all her pictures and only sometimes actually read every word she says. I want her clothes not her life afterall. I will link her blog.


http://yourstrulymag.blogspot.com/

I'll post some of my favorites of hers....




Love her shirt!



Love her entire outfit!





Love this outfit!




Love the shirt & shorts!

 

Travel daydreams...

I wish I could travel. That wish sometimes makes me feel guilty. I mean some people are STARVING and I want to travel. I feel selfish sometimes because of the strong desire to go places and see new things. When I envision myself going places it's such trivial silly daydreams. I see myself walking and staring; just standing somewhere gawking at the glorious sights with tears in my eyes from the wonder of it all. So I don't know if I'm weird or I expect to see heaven on earth but that's basically how I always see my travels. I do not want to go on dangerous wild adventures. I want to travel somewhere and see how beautiful it is. I do want to visit old places but again, just to see them. I don't need to skydive to make my heart race I think a gondola ride in Venice would do that

or looking at castles in Germany

or strolling through France

or Charleston

or Savannah.

I want to see things more than I want to do things. Oh how glorious that would be! I haven't been on a real vacation in years and I've only been out of the country once, like in 1998, a school cruise to the Bahamas. My memory of that trip is seeing drug paraphernalia just laying around the street vendors booths. I mean it was their stuff, not for sale stuff but their stuff. As a 10th grader I was shocked. lol  

(I adore those suitcases in that top picture. If I ever get to travel I hope I have old school luggage like that.)

Long time no see....

So I have been kind of blogging about hopefully losing weight on a different blog but I wouldn't want to blog about everything there so I am thinking about coming back to this blog.

I am still a college student. I still plan on being a social worker but I am currently a sociology major.

I am in love with Indie music.

I rarely get to read but it is something I love to do.

I am obsessed with clothes but the ones I see and love I rarely think look good on me. I don't think I have the confidence to pull the looks off; so I spend time looking at modcloth.com and blogs about the styles I like.

I'm turning 30 in August and that makes me terribly sad. Better to be 30 than dead but I feel like I've wasted so much of my life and I am angry at how hard those years have been and I am saddened cause I see no time in the near future that the life I seek actually happens.

One day at a time I guess... I am happy but this just isn't quite the dream life I envisioned then or now.