Thursday, May 10, 2012


Well my dermatologist sent me to have blood work, a TB skin test and a chest xray so she could put me on an oral medication for my psoriasis & psoriatic arthritis. I didn't think anything of it. I've done it before several times.
I think my blood work came back fine.
My TB skin test was read as negative but it did turn reddish and swell a little bit. At the time it was read it was about 3mm but it has continued to swell. I'd say it's probably twice that size now. BUT I did find out from my dad and brother that we are carriers. I do not know exactly what that means but I do know it can cause false positives on the skin test so not to rely on that.
My chest xray showed a nodule. I have not been told much more than that. I don't know which lung (not that that matters), I don't know for sure that it is just one but I think it is, I don't know the size or shape (according to the Internet research I've been doing, an xray won't see it if it's smaller than 1cm and it would not be referred to as a nodule if it was larger than 3cm so that does give me some idea of the size of it, I also know the smaller and smoother it is the less likely it is cancerous). I have a CT scan with contrast scheduled for tomorrow. I was told by a doctor, not my doctor, that it was probably scar tissue. He had not seen the xray but he had seen the directions saying I needed another xray or a CT scan. The Internet said that lung nodules found in people under age 35, that only 1% of them are cancer. I keep thinking, 1%, that's not a bad percentage at all. Then I think, well someone has to be that one percent. How can I be so sure it wouldn't be me?! My husband is sure it's scar tissue even though I'm like, from what??? No flu, no pneumonia, no odd career concerns, so from what??? The only option that I found online that even seemed possible was some inflammation thing that could spontaneously cause scar tissue but besides that I am leaning towards, there is no reason I'd have scar tissue there. I'm also a worrier, so I worry. I also tend to feel like if something could go wrong it will go wrong. I mean seriously, the percentage that a woman will have gone through what I've gone through by age 29 has got to be rare. I have psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, my son has Tourettes and allergies and did have other issues that seem to be better now, my daughter has autism, weight issues, sleep problems, IBS, I have weight issues, oh my son and I both have eye problems, I failed in my first marriage and more often than not it seems that I am failing at this one too, I have major baggage from my childhood (lots of stuff I could list from that time period), I flipped my car while trying to put chap stick back in my purse... I mean I seem to be the queen of misfortune. I have blessings, I do. I know that God loves me. BUT I seem to have a life full of issues. Because of that, I do tend to expect the worst... so the night before a CT scan to look at a nodule on my lung is a night of worry.
I hate dealing with this worry alone. I will be alone tomorrow too. And the day I get the results, I will be all alone.
Maybe being alone is okay, maybe it's better to deal with the good or the bad myself first, instead of sharing the news right away with others. Hopefully I will be sharing great news. Hopefully it was a flawed xray and there is nothing there.

No comments:

Post a Comment